“ You talk
about race a lot.” Funny, only white people have ever said that to me…
In a recent
blog, (I am the dream and the hope of the slave) I called attention to the racism that still plagues this country. I wrote
about how far we have come as a nation, but also how much further we need to go.
I feel like I need to delve a little deeper into my own experiences. To speak
from my heart, and tell a little bit more about my story. Race is not a new
theme in my blogs. If you’ve read anything I’ve written in the past, you know
I’ve written about being mixed, and some of the beauty and challenges I deal
with because of my interracial background.
I speak
about race a great deal, because I don’t get a day off from it. Just as much as
I don’t get a day off from being a woman, and more and more I don’t get a day
off from being half of a same sex relationship. I see it everyday in the
mirror, and I don’t go a day without a remark about my skin, my hair, or my
heritage. There is no magic switch, no time I get to forget where I come from.
Don’t tell me I’m exaggerating, or being sensitive. Anyone in my position would
empathize. Instead of continuing your ignorance, ask me what it’s like, to walk
a day in my shoes.
A few
months ago, my cousin and I were discussing some of the current events in our
country, especially Ferguson. She remarked on the divide she noticed in her
social media feeds, the horrible things being said on either side of the
argument. Then she told me how she was going to take a break from social media,
because she wanted to be able to walk away from it. I was silent on the phone.
I heard the breath catch in her throat and she said, “Then I thought about what
it must be like for you. You never get to turn it off, do you?” We both became
teary over that realization. I told her no, I never get to turn it off. Whether
I close my eyes, or open them wide, this is a part of my experience.
Don’t tell
me, “I don’t see color.” "I'm color blind". For one, that’s a lie. Yes, you do. Second, I’m not
impressed by that. Stop telling it to me. Yes, we are all human. Yes, we all
have things in common with one another. But the only people who don’t see color
are babies, and maybe toddlers. From there on, the differences are taught. If
you are trying to convey you aren’t racist, then that’s a beautiful thing. Say
it better.
“If you
stopped bringing it up so often, people would forget.” Eh, no. Again, you are
trying to put upon me your own thoughts and feelings on this subject. Am I
making you uncomfortable? Did you ever stop to think what it must feel like, to
walk into a room and be assessed in a way your white counterparts are not? Have
you had people say things to you that are so ridiculous, you can’t even wrap
your mind around it? Especially since there is not one time in the history of
ever you would ask them the questions they are asking you, or stating things to
you so off the wall all you can do is stare back at them. “Is that your real
hair?” “Nicole- that isn’t a very black name, is it?” “Your mom is white? That
must have been hard for you.” “Do black people tan?” “You only voted for Obama
because he’s black.” “ Does it hurt your mothers feelings, because you identify
more as black?” “You guys don’t all like fried chicken and watermelon, do
you?” These are all things that have really been said to me. They were not in
jest. I wish I were joking.
Let’s go
over these one by one. Honestly, they are none of your business, but I’ll
answer them anyway. My hair- sometimes its mine, sometimes its not. I’m sorry my
parents didn’t name me Latonya, or Kuntakinte- it must make you uncomfortable,
me having a “white” name. No, it is not hard for me to have a white mom. Yes,
black people tan. If you think I only
voted for Obama because he’s black, f*** you. I won’t apologize for saying that
either. How dare you assume I only voted for someone because we share the same
skin color? I did my research, and I made the best decision for me. Don’t ever
say that to me again. No, identifying as half black does not hurt my mother.
She is one of the people I can count on the most, and doesn’t judge me. I know
she wishes I was a little less mean when I’m pissed…
Quick side
note- Not all black people like fried chicken, watermelon, collard greens,
Kool-Aid, purple drink, Cat fish…. the list goes on. There is history in those
foods. Pick up a book and read a bit before you make an ass of yourself by
assuming we do. I happen to think all these things are delicious, but it’s not
coded in my DNA. So, just stop asking
that.
“But you’re
the first to make jokes about race relations. You tell some funny black jokes!”
For me, it’s a protective mechanism. If I say it first, if I let you know how
I’m thinking and feeling, then you can’t take that away from me. You don’t have
the power to make me uncomfortable in my own skin.
“The ‘brown bag rule’ or the ‘black tax’ can’t be real
things.” Again, don’t state, ask. The brown bag rule illustrates the
differences amongst black people themselves. It’s an outdated idea about higher
and lower class because of skin color within black people. The black tax does still exist. It is
speaking to the amount of work black people often have to do to be judged on
the same plane as their white counterparts. More often than not, we have to
prove ourselves more and if we trip and fall, it unfortunately does not reflect
on just ourselves, but all black people. There will always be cultural saying and things that are done you may not understand. That does not mean they aren't real.
We are far
from full equality in this country. There are a great deal of factors,
including socioeconomics, bias, and ignorance. There are checks and balance to
try and help with these factors, and others. Affirmative action is a great
example. Here’s the
thing, if my speaking about my skin color my experience makes you
uncomfortable, you have the right to no longer be my friend. Unfollow me on
Facebook, whatever you need to do. Huge hint- don’t read this blog! Because I
won’t stop talking about it. My opinions may change as time goes on, but for
now this is how I feel. You are as welcome
to your opinions as I am, but this is something I will continue to speak on.
I am a biracial,
bisexual, feminist, opinionated, smart and sassy woman. Just a heads up, in
case you were in doubt.
