To the first boy I kissed

I remember the first time I saw you. You used to use all kinds of product in your hair. Do you remember? You parted it down the middle, it was a hard part too. We were about the same height, and you hadn't figured out your sense of style yet. Neither had I. Lots of plain shirts and jeans. Your smile stayed the same though, even when we got older. It had a little quirk on the one side- you only showed your teeth when you laughed. It did carry more sadness though, more tension and experience around its edges as the years passed. 

You were the shiny new toy back in the day. You'd just moved to our school. The handsome newcomer everyone noticed- and you asked me to be your girlfriend. We were in the 6th grade.

I think we dated for a few days, maybe a week. All sweet little pecks (my first kisses with the opposite sex), and holding hands in the halls. I was the one who called it off, for some overly dramatic reason or another. Nothing like middle school days. We were learning, or at least trying to learn what we thought adulting was.

We were twelve then. I'm thirty-six now. I heard you passed away a few days ago. A friend texted me with the news, and we talked a bit about you. 

I know you struggled when we got older. The world seemed to rest heavily on your shoulders, but you still had that smile, in all your photos. The parted hair replaced with what seemed to be a permanent baseball cap. You still had those dark eyes... and now you're gone.

I wish we could have been friends as we got older, and not just social media acquaintances. We did talk a bit online a few years back just to catch up, and I remember leaving it on a good note. I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for you being the first boy I kissed, and for the memories of you. Even when you didn't like me in high school- I'll never get to ask you why that was. It doesn't matter now of course. 

I hope you're happy wherever you are. That it's peaceful there. Know that smile of yours will stay with me always. So will the little boy with the harshly parted hair- he left an impression a grown woman still remembers.