Sometimes I don't know how to handle a quieter kind of love. I think it makes me... anxious. Maybe? Ugh.
We've had it packaged to us- love should be this overwhelming, head over heels, challenging, enraging, steamy, sexy, volatile thing. Who else watched Scandal? Or any romantic movie made since the beginning of movies??? All angsty and hold the boom box over your head, run through the airport, scream in the rain kinds of love. So many mers.
They don't overwhelm me, they don't push me in all the unhealthy ways I'm used to. Don't get me wrong- it's very challenging. I mean, we shouldn't work- politically, dissimilar backgrounds, ethnicities... for fucks sake. I'm all words, they're all touch. I'm challenged, angered, assuaged, and heard. Not in raptures though, and I don't know how to handle it.
How do you explain it? They give me butterflies, this is true. I miss them when they aren't there. Ah hell- I catch myself staring at them. Lawd, I'm gross. Is it a different kind of rapture? I look forward to seeing them cuddling them, sleeping with them... but it's not... toxic? Is that what I'm missing? What does that say? What in the actual f...
Hell if I know. I want to dissect it of course. This is how adults love? Without constant drama, angry make up sex, or or... drama? Yes I said drama twice. I'm way too used to drama it seems.
Man, this is really not something I want to assess. That's a lie, of course I do.
Love doesn't have to hurt. It doesn't have to overwhelm the senses, or knock us for a six. I don't know what to make of this sort of love though. A caring based in attraction, that built in a friendly way as well as more. I've never had that. Is this deeper? Different?
It's a quiet kind of love. Can't say I'm mad at it.
