Not a pinch of sense.

I don't know what's come over me. Honestly, I don't. I keep trying to make sense of it.

One thing I've always been able to make sense of were my wandering emotions- up until now. I'm trying to, oh so much. Trying to sort through why thoughts and feelings I'm having are even evident. I thought they were gone. Maybe they were just suppressed? I worked so hard to let go.

The bigger issue here is this- they have no real provocation. No root. No where to go. There's no reason for them to exist, because they are unrequited. Just doors that were never properly closed.

They began in my dreams. Stirring there in the absence of thought, just feeling. I'd wake up and find myself sad. Sad because they weren't my reality. With other goings on in my life... I wanted to escape back to within that place. Into the technicolor false reality of what ifs and never coulds.

I can't imagine why I feel this way. I shouldn't. It's not that I don't have the right. It's that they have no place here. Nothing can grow. The soil isn't fertile, what was there couldn't bloom again. Could it?

The ponderings of a heart and mind unsure. Of one with unfinished business, and lack of emotional direction. I just don't know. I'm someone who has always known, even when I knew things were meant to end.

I've tried letting logic play a role. Now I'm even more at a loss than I was before. As much as I can't control the weather, I can't control this. I swear I want to, but that isn't even true.

Whether an aberration, or not. I'm left waiting, and wanting. Dreaming, even hoping. For all, or nothing. Right or wrong have gone by the wayside.

None of it makes a pinch of sense. Then again, have I ever?