The longest goodbye.

Part of me wants badly to hate you.

I realize now, you chose. Of all your opportunity, you chose not to act. Once I understood, once I opened up to you...

No matter now. As much as I mourn what was lost, I'm thankful. As much as what's happened since scares me, it's because of you. You opened the door.

Possibilities. Things I couldn't have imagined for myself...Things and people I thought were beyond my reach.

I thought I wanted so badly for it to be you, to build and love around you. I wasn't honoring myself. Respecting myself. Hearing my needs play out.

The truth is- a suitable partner wouldn't have let me- they wouldn't have let me give all of myself away. They wouldn't have waited, for all the time you did. You know I don't believe in bad timing, but you did.

Sometimes I wonder where you are, how you are. But this missing is in the periphery- I'd allowed you to break my heart too often. That's my fault.

I am not an idea. I was always clear about what I wanted. You knew. You knew.

You were more than an idea for me. I wonder if you know that? Not just a safety net. Not a just in case.

It's a true goodbye now. The kind you can't take back. The kind grand gestures can't erase, and good memories can't wash away. That's all you are now- a memory. Years worth of what ifs, culminating into a never could be.

Goodbye. Good luck. I hope for your sake, I was worth the losing. It took me far too long to realize-you were losing far more than I was.