Things I'm done apologizing for

1.     My weight- Heaven forbid I’m like most people on the planet, meaning my weight fluctuates and I have… (Gasp!) cellulite. Seriously people, bite me. I’m able to look at myself naked in the mirror for longer than 10 seconds, victory is mine! I lift weights, and I eat like a dick. I refuse to give up my crap foods, but that doesn’t mean I don’t try to balance my diet 80% of the time. Nagging me about when I’ve put on a few extra pounds does nothing but make me want to go straight to the cereal section and grab everything from Froot Loops to fake lucky charms and eat each box full in turn. Want to know why? Because I can! I am not a model, or a Hollywood actress. If I were paid to look a certain way, this would be a different story. Since I’m not, well folks guess that means I’ll continue looking the way I do.

2.     My style- I’ve been shaving at least one side of my head for the past 4 years. My hair has also been ever color of the rainbow, and all different lengths. I still wear my Jacksons tour shirt on a regular basis, could live in a bathing suit, and I think leggings DO qualify as pants. I dress up, dress down, I love onsies, and see no reason why I can’t walk around my own damn house in boy shorts and thigh high socks. I can’t explain why I dress the way I do, I just always have. If you don’t like it, well I guess you’ll just have to suffer because it’s not changing until I feel like it. You’re probably right, there is a high chance I will embarrass my future children. (Shrug) life will go on as well know it.

3.     My sexuality- This isn’t where I give a play by play of my love life. This is where I tell you my love life is none of your concern. Who, when, how, why- none of your business. How I express myself sexually is all mine to decide, how soon, how late, and how many. For all you know, I could be a saint! (I snorted writing that last line. Ah well, can’t even fool myself).

4.     Feeling any other emotion besides happy- I am an ambivert, which seems to make everyone think I am happy all of the time. Guess what people, there are other emotions I exhibit. Crazy, right? Sad, angry, scared, ashamed, nervous, heartbroken… they’re all present and accounted for. Please do me a favor and stop acting like it’s a complete shock whenever I display anything besides smiles and rainbow colored thoughts.

5.     Being a girl- I could sit here and argue gender roles for days, but I won’t. Newsflash- I like dressing up. I’ve recently discovered how fun makeup can be, and am now trying things I never did before, (filling in my eyebrows? Say what?!) I like chick flicks, people who open doors, romantic gestures, and the idea of becoming a mum. I realize this is confusing to some, since I watch sports, hang out with rugby players, curse like a sailor, enjoy yelling and breaking things, and being the alpha. No one ever said I had to make sense.

6.     Having an opinion- I was lucky enough to be raised by two brilliant people, who allowed my brother and I to form our own opinions. Having an opinion means you need to be able to support it, and stand behind it. I don’t necessarily blab my opinion all over the place; I don’t stand on street corners yelling my thoughts for the world to hear, (I just post them on social media… whatever.). My thoughts are mine, and when there is a time and place to share them, I do. I don’t have one for everything, that would be exhausting and I don’t have the energy for that sort of thing. I also don’t mind if people have differing thoughts to my own. I love having debates with some of my best friends during big elections, we don’t agree on a damn thing and yet we always leave feeling listened to and not judged. I think being PC all the time sucks, and sometimes I say things that shock people. Whoops.

7.     Seeing the world through rose-colored glasses- I trust people, I give second chances, and I believe in love. Yes, sometimes I can be naive, so what? Is it really hurting you that I wish my life was a musical, and try to find happiness in all different places? I’m a dreamer, and a believer. There is nothing wrong with believing things can get better, and wanting the best for the people I love. I fantasize about the things I’d like to happen in my life, and then try to really make them happen. Truth be told, there’s usually a song or two playing in my head, the soundtrack to my life. I guess my life is a musical after all.

8.     Who I love- this one is gonna be quick. You don’t like who I like? I guess it’s good we aren’t in a relationship. You can shove it.

9.     Not being white enough or black enough for you- I’m mixed, which means my parents came from different ethnic backgrounds, fell in love, and had me. When you come up to me and try to distinguish how black or white I am, “You don’t talk like…” “You don’t dress like…” “I never would have guessed you were…” “Oh my god, you have freckles!” it royally pisses me off. I also really love when people come up to me and ask what I feel about this famous black athlete being arrested, or this scandal with so and so, because they want to hear a “black” opinion. Dear you, fuck off.  I don’t have to explain a damn thing to you. My experiences have varied, from being called a nigger to my face, to constantly being asked my ethnicity, to being treated differently because of the way I look. I am me. I don’t have to explain any part of myself to you, nor do I have to divvy up my claims by any percentage, clothing choice, or speech pattern. I’ll identify however I want, it happens to be my life.

10. Having high standards- You’re damn right I have high standards! I believe people all have potential, and striving to live up to it is something to be admired. Don’t mistake me, I don’t believe in perfection. Utopia is a pipe dream, and what one person believes may be perfect is not the same for the next. I’ll let you in on a secret- I don’t hold anyone up to standards I don’t expect of myself. I’d like people to rise up and meet me, (sometimes they don’t have to go far, don’t lose your head). I expect myself to always at least try, so I expect others to do the same.

11. Cursing like a sailor- My favorite curse words are two of the harshest in the English language. If you know me well, you know which two. I didn’t grow up cursing, I did hear my mum curse now and again, but I was always punished if I did so as a child. I’m an adult now, so fuck it! I know there is a time and place, thank you captain obvious for pointing that one out. It’s like throwing spice into a conversation. I also disagree it’s a sign of less intelligence. I know some smart people, who curse far worse than I do.

12. My mistakes- I’m human. There are things I’ve done in my past, and I know I can never take them back. I can try to explain them away by age, emotion, whatever. The truth is, I didn’t occur in a vacuum, but they are still all mine. I’m the one who chose to react a certain way, to say a certain thing. There are people I have gone back and apologized to if I thought that’s what needed to be done. I try very hard to put myself in other people’s shoes now, and see how they must have felt. All I can do is ask for forgiveness, and forgive myself. Reliving my mistakes would do nothing but cripple me. I try hard not to remind people of the things they’ve done wrong, so why do it to myself?

13. How I choose to live my life- I’ve never really cared about money, and I went to college for a subject I was passionate about. I live pretty loudly and openly, though there is plenty I don’t share with the likes of you lot. I’ve fallen in love more than once, and I’ve failed terribly when trying new things. Your discomfort with my life is because it isn’t playing out the way you would like it to. Hell, it isn’t playing out the way I’d like it to! But it’s mine. I’m the one who will live and die by my choices.