I am
counting down the minutes. There are thirty-three more until my twenties are
over. I will officially be thirty.
I cannot
say I will miss my teens, or my twenties. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed them
immensely. I am a lucky broad, I’ve seen and done so much already in this life.
I just would not relive them, or change them.
I’m looking
forward to what comes next. Maybe I will become a mother, a wife. Maybe I will go
back to school, become a doctor. Travel the world, touching every continent on
my way. Who knows what I will see, do, and who I may meet.
I won’t
lie, my thirties scare me a bit. I could never have imagined this is where I
would be standing at this age. I had a very vague idea of where I would be by
now. Sometimes the vision of thirty was far more clear to me. Other times so
far in the distance, I wasn’t sure I would ever get there, yet here I am.
I am proud
of what I have seen and done, who I chose to love, and what I have done when
life hit me below the belt. I cannot say I have many regrets, but there are a
few. I wish my dad’s parents and my mum’s dad could see who I’ve become. I wish
I’d taken more time to appreciate all I was seeing and doing. I really wish I
could tell my younger self what kind of woman I would become, so on those dark
days when I felt alone and afraid I would have had something to hold onto.
I haven’t
achieved all I dreamed I would by now. How funny it is to me now, the things I
craved to have checked off my bucket list. Turns out there were other dreams in
store, dreams I never could have imagined for myself.
I am human,
so of course I’m afraid the big dreams might not happen. One of the lessons I
learned from my twenties is I actually didn’t dream big enough for myself.
Luckily, I figured it out.
The biggest
lessons I’ll take with me from my previous thirty years are these- I am
special. I have a unique rhythm, look, and way of walking in this world. Once I
finally realized I will never fit in, my entire life changed. I can weather any
storm. I have lost some of the most important people in my life, I’ve failed,
walked away from things that were destroying me, I’ve felt broken in two, and
I’ve had love taken away from me. Yet here I am, all the better for it. I am raw, I am open, easily wounded by those
I let in, yet tough as nails. I don’t make sense on paper, but I don’t have
to.
So here it
is- the big push. Nine minutes to go, and then the next thirty years begin. If
what came before is anything to go by, this ride is gonna be a doozy.
See all of
you on the flipside. Cheers.
The Mad Hatter:
“Have I gone mad?”
Alice:
“I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a
secret. All the best people are.”
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