I can talk
myself into, and out of anything. Leave me with something to think about and
I’ll chew on it, spit it out, think about it some more, mull for awhile, then
kick the thought until its dead. Seriously, I’ll Frankenstein that thing just
to kill it again, (I think you get the idea here). My ability to overthink is
through the roof, and being able to borrow all kinds of trouble on top of that-
can really be something else.
I’m not
sure I will ever be able to kick the habit of overthinking, but there is
something I am sure about- when I let my mind calm and listen to my gut, some
kick ass things happen.
I was
taught to think things through, and decide on the best course of action. We in the west believe the mind and body are
divided, so phrases like, “Mind over matter” come into play. Listen, I’m not
preaching to go about willy-nilly and never take into account the people and
things around you and how they may be affected by your decisions. That just makes you a prize idiot, and an
asshat to boot. I’m not that inconsiderate, (at least I hope I'm not). What I’m saying is- I’ve learned
after trial and error, heartbreak and failure, I am one of those people who
needs to follow my gut. Then follow the bread crumbs that lead me there.
I trust my
instincts. My fight or flight abilities are well honed, (safety words, anyone?). When I start to feel
an overwhelming anxiety and put my head between my knees, I know something bad
is going to happen. When I feel light and airy, I know something good is around
the corner. When all I want to do is sleep, it’s because I know I’m dreading
something. When I get the heebie geebies, I know I have no freaking business being around whoever is giving me that feeling. And when I feel a pull towards someone from an invisible string
attached to my left ribs, I go with it.
I am not
perfect. I am scared, have been hurt, hate being wrong, and I fall down. I get
frustrated and impatient, and can be bull-headed. But there’s that moment, when
I just stop and feel it, man- it all falls into place when I do that.
My work
life changed once I started letting go of all my thoughts. Opportunities
presented themselves, new adventures and amazing people. My relationships with
family and friends grew so much stronger when I spoke from my heart and not my
head. They seem to value my thoughts and advice, because they know I’m speaking
as honestly as I can. And when it comes to love- I just started to really follow
this. I definitely had blinders on in this department, and always followed my
head. I would get a good push in the feels, then let my head take over and
before I knew it, I was lost. I went for what was good on paper, and not what
was good for me. Oh hindsight, you’re a bitch.
Maybe it’s
age that’s changed me. Maybe I’m finally learning. Most likely a combo, really.
If I feel like something needs to be in my life, I’m going to pursue it. I’m
sure there will be quite a few more bumps along the road, it wouldn’t be life
if a wrench or two weren’t thrown into the mix.
But when it comes to love, I’m going for it. There’s nothing like
sharing this wild and crazy life with someone. What a great way to retell your
story, when it starts with, “I just felt it, and it was wonderful.”
“The juice is worth the squeeze.”
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