I haven't wanted to write at length for awhile.
Firstly- I was taken aback by peoples reactions to my posts. Turns out, a lot more people than I thought read the ish I write. All of the sudden I felt pressure to produce, which meant what I was writing wasn't genuine. Nothing like doubting your ability to do something that comes very naturally to you.
Secondly- everything I was writing was shit. I was projecting outward, away from myself. Thoughts and feelings about people and things happening around me. I was frustrated with circumstance, and with things beyond my control. I wasn't controlling the controllables. A good vent has a time and a place, but not the things I wanted to write about presently. They were inflammatory, accusatory, and often coming from a place of hurt. I can't tell you how many drafts I've erased in the last month alone.
Firstly- I was taken aback by peoples reactions to my posts. Turns out, a lot more people than I thought read the ish I write. All of the sudden I felt pressure to produce, which meant what I was writing wasn't genuine. Nothing like doubting your ability to do something that comes very naturally to you.
Secondly- everything I was writing was shit. I was projecting outward, away from myself. Thoughts and feelings about people and things happening around me. I was frustrated with circumstance, and with things beyond my control. I wasn't controlling the controllables. A good vent has a time and a place, but not the things I wanted to write about presently. They were inflammatory, accusatory, and often coming from a place of hurt. I can't tell you how many drafts I've erased in the last month alone.
Lastly- because what I post here can be left up to interpretation. Sometimes I like that. Sometimes I don't. When I write, a great deal of emotion is lost. Strong feelings of course can be conveyed through type, but so much can be lost too. I felt like I was doing a lot of explaining. I have to be alright with inviting that, especially with an open platform like this.
This blog is a snapshot into how I think and feel. The quotes, the pictures- they hold space for me. Sometimes a vulnerable one, sometimes a prideful one. It really runs the full gamut of emotions. I'm flawed, always learning, and so far from perfect. But I don't want to be perfect. I don't ever intend to hurt with my actions and words, but that happens sometimes too.
This is personal, so I take how people react to what I write personally.
For everyone still along for the ride, thank you. For those who end up being part of my narrative- well, I didn't ever say I was easy to love, did I?
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