Hope vs. Envy

I used to often be so envious of others.

When I was younger it was the color of their skin, or their hair. A bit older it was of their significant others, or their children. We've all heard the phrase, "The grass is always greener"...

Then something fell into place for me, especially in more recent times. When I realized all I was searching for, I already had. Of course I still have dreams. My dreams are no longer based on what others may have that I do not. They aren't based on them at all- it's all with me.

I don't even want to say I'm lucky. I don't necessarily think it's luck. I think the life I have thus far is the life I was supposed to have. Filled with love and loss, with friends who are like family. Even family who are strangers to me. My friends and cousins children calling me their aunt, asking advice. Giving me a taste of parenthood.

I've learned I can choose. Choose who I associate with. Choose who to love. Choose how to live. There's so much freedom in that. No longer fretting over things I can't and will never control. If having a family is in the cards, it will happen. If having a forever with someone, that too. To honor How much I've seen, achieved, failed, learned- all of that is of equal importance. So I'll concentrate my attention there,

To not stand here and enjoy the feeling of the sun on my face is doing a disservice to all the opportunity I am afforded. Of course that doesn't mean I won't have moments. Be sad, or withdrawn. I am human.

But no more envy. No more longing. Just hope.