“If you
softened yourself a bit, you’d have someone already.” “Men find you
emasculating.” “You have such a strong personality, most people find it
difficult.” So let me get this straight- it’s all on me to change, or I’ll
never find “my person”? Whaaaaaaaaat? I’m rolling up my sleeves for a proper
rant people, starting with-
How sexist
this entire thought process is. A guy friend listed all the things about me
that were a “double- edged sword” in his opinion,
-
Not
needing a someone
-
Owning my
own business
-
Strong,
outgoing personality
-
Making my own way, (pretty much across the
board)
-
Not
caring what people think of me
If any of
these things were attributed to a man, we wouldn’t even be having this
conversation. The fact that I’m a woman who has “masculine” traits means these
things are pointed out to me on a very regular basis. I can’t believe I need to
address any of these, but I’m going to anyway.
Not needing someone- It’s true, I don’t
need someone. I want someone. I feel like this is something people constantly
confuse. I could go through this life on my own and live a very fulfilling and
happy life. I don’t want it to go that way, but it could. I’d love to go
through it all with someone. I’ve been in love more than once, and in committed
relationships for most of my adult life. They didn’t work out for one reason or
another, but it was okay, because this was during my twenties. Now that I’m
thirty… HOLY SHIT IM A SPINSTER, AND WILL DIE ALONE! I don’t really believe
that, but it seems to be the general consensus. To everyone who believes that,
you can get bent. I believe in love, that a relationship can last a lifetime,
and all that jazz. I also believe I haven’t found someone who’s crazy is
compatible with mine. I didn’t realize there was an expiration date tattooed on
my ass…
Owning my own business- It’s still a
very young business, but it’s all mine. You would think people would appreciate
all I put into it, and the freedom I have because of it. Usually, they find it
intimidating. Say what? This makes me scratch my head too. “It illustrates your
independence, and most people want their partner to be a bit more dependent.”
For serious? Add to this I’m considering pursuing my doctorate, and potential
partners really don’t know what to do. So there’s a chance I could earn more
than you. So what? I believe when you’re in a relationship, what you earn is
communal. I learned that from my parents. A relationship is a partnership. My
father went to work everyday, and together they decided my mother would stay
home. Still, when my father talks about retirement, it’s “their retirement”.
He’s never lorded over her head the fact he went out and earned money for the
both of them. He’s a strong enough man to know everything my mother did and
still does at home is just as important.
My strong, outgoing personality- I’m
friendly, (not to be mistaken for flirty- seriously dudes, I’m just being nice
most of the time). I’m an extrovert for sure, can be plopped in the middle of a
group of people I don’t know and strike up conversation. This helps me a great
deal in what I do for a living, since I’m constantly meeting new people to work
with and need to earn their trust quickly to be able to care for them. No, I am
not flirting with everyone I work with. No, I’ve never cheated, and I don’t
plan to start now. No, I don’t think anything of going out with a bunch of guy
friends- we aren’t having mass orgies for pete’s sake! I also don’t feel a need
to give you an account of everything I’m up to, and I don’t tolerate possessiveness
or jealousy. I won’t be controlled by someone because of his or her
insecurities. If I’m with you, then that’s it- I’m yours, and you’re mine. So
calm your roll, and let’s enjoy the ride.
Making my own way- I’ve been
told I was born stubborn, my parents knew early on I was a kid who would make
her own way. The older I became, the more definite that was. So here I am,
thirty years later, and pretty damn comfortable in my skin. My career path has
been different than most, and the way I’ve chosen to walk through this little
life of mine. That doesn’t mean we can’t find compatibility, things we can
share and understand together. Someone please explain why it matters so much
the way I’ve done things? I’m just living, doing my thing and seeing where it
all takes me. I don’t understand why my journey is so much for people to wrap
their head around. I haven’t invented the longer lasting light bulb, won the
lottery, or cured cancer. Is it because if I’d followed certain expectations,
I’d be married with kids by now? I don’t have ridiculous standards, but I won’t
settle either.
Not caring what people think of me- I’m
not saying when people say harsh things it doesn’t hurt. Of course it does.
What I’m saying is I refuse to own people’s opinions of me. I won’t carry the
weight of their judgment, insecurity, or ignorance. Carrying all of it would
crush anyone. So I choose to keep moving, even though now and again something
someone says or doesn’t knocks me back a few steps. I get back up, remind
myself who I am and all I can do, and keep on steppin’. If I bowed down to what
people thought of me, I wouldn’t be here typing this.
I hope one
day someone will get it. They’ll get I can love them the way they’re built, and
I’m very willing to learn and adapt to them. I won’t get lost because of it. I’ll
still be me. But damn, there is something so cool about being an “us”. People
don’t seem to realize how old fashioned I am in many ways, and before my time
in others. I don’t believe these things have to be mutually exclusive. I can
still be me and have a family, find love, live my dreams. Why is it I am
expected to give up so much of what makes up my personality for someone else to
be comfortable? I can’t really answer that, so I’m just going to send it out
into the void. Let’s see what the void sends back.
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