Afraid alongside you.

Please give me grace.

I'm scared, and I don't want to be. I want to trust you, really I don't trust myself. Not like I used to. I used to be so confident. I had nothing but time, I had youth on my side. I also had ignorance, and the blueprint of Hollywood romance right in front of my eyes.

Here you are- and it's so easy. Too easy? Too early. But it feels different.

She took my well meanings and words, my wishes and dreams, and manipulated them to fit her. I was so blinded by lust and love I couldn't see it. The subtle shifts, the changes there.

I wish you could promise you won't do the same. I wish you could promise you'll grow with me, and soothe my fears. I wish you could promise you are different- battered but pure, honest and kind, willing to defend my heart as if it is a part of yours.

I wish I could promise you I'm better than they were- the ones who came before me. I too am battered and bruised. I carry the scars of love and loss, of heartbreak and loneliness. I carry hope too- it's written on my wrist and my heart. Constant reminders time can change all things.

I'll give you grace. I'll look you in the eye, I'll speak my truth as I know it. I'll lay bare my dreams and wishes for a life spent with someone.

Tell me something good.

Tell me you understand. Tell me I'm not alone. Tell me you feel it, see it, hope it, dream it. Tell me you aren't too far gone to come back. You believe in more, in togetherness, even in fear. Our fears could unite us rather than divide us.

Allow for time.

Whether it's short or long, can we see what this is? If we stand a chance, or if we're only here to remind one another there can be more with someone by our side? If you see me pull back, don't let me. I'll face forward with you. I'll face it with you. I'll walk afraid alongside you.

I'm holding my breath. Please don't let go yet.