Then there was nothing.

I don't feel you here anymore.

 I had let you in, I had let you take me over. I was consumed- but what did you have to offer me?

Nothing.

Nothing.

 Nothing.

I finally realized I held all the cards. I was the one who could offer the world to you- give you support, all of my love, children, a home to come back to. You couldn't even give me half of your attention. I would have given you all of me. You would have given me excuses. So much lip service- I see it now. We allow so much when we fall.

I look at the space we used to occupy together- the empty walls, the shadows of pictures there. I look at the few things kept, but remember all I threw away. I didn't want the things you bought me to touch my skin, to encircle my fingers... you tried so hard to buy me. To possess me. To take me. The minute I figured it out, the moment I used my long lost voice to speak out from the fog I'd been lost in to tell you I wanted more, you let go. You knew, didn't you? You knew once I realized all the power and control truly lay with me that the game was lost to you forever.

My body knew it- why didn't I listen? It fought so hard to tell me. It screamed to try to make me hear. It begged me in all the ways it could and I ignored it. I loved you. I had faded into you, my edges blurred by yours.

And now you seek something I can't give you- you seek the kind of support I won't willingly let you have any longer. You are finally understanding the ripples, the wake left behind. Now it's me who has nothing to give.

You keep mistaking empathy for love, caring for more. I can care, and no longer love you. I can wish you the best, and no longer be invested. I let go, and now you feel it. You ask if this is what I felt like in the end? You ask if this is real, if what you are finally feeling is what I felt? I reply all of that and more, but without the guilt. Your view of the world paints you as the victim, but you and I both know better.

You see, I know I tried. I know I laid it all out there. I know I can look back for the rest of my days and be at peace with all I had to give. Can you?

Please don't answer, I've already begun to forget the timbre of your voice. I thought I would never forget the way you touched me, or the way you looked at me... but it's all gone now. They say time is both cruel and kind. We both know I lean towards kind.

I can't say I miss the idea of you- we both know I struggled even with that. I knew all you could be, all you could achieve... maybe you still will. Funny how much you can be invested in someone, and then you fill the space with something else. You are no longer the tenant of my heart. You say you still love me, but where is this love? Again- don't tell me. The earth between us is scorched now.

All that's left is for me to walk out the door one last time, to leave the key and know- it all ends here. Not tidy. Not clean. Just done.