her part 2.

Looking at you hurt.

You didn't look the same. There was something different about your eyes, your demeanor. The curve of your shoulders, the way you sat in front of me. Even when we hugged goodbye, there was a hollowness there.

Knowing the choices that brought us here, both mine and yours. let's be honest- mostly yours. Especially in the end.

Hearing the things I wanted you to say back then, knowing you might actually grasp what was lost here.

Me. I was lost.

Being able to tell you how I felt. Knowing I was justified further in those feelings. You knew what you did was wrong. Heinous. Forgivable, but not forgettable.

In the days after, I wondered about what could have been. A path I hadn't allowed before. It was far too painful. The sense of loss too great.

This one was far different than the rest. You knew that. You knew.

I dreamed with you. I built with, for, and around you. Sacrificed. I left it all out there. I nearly broke after you.

I'm thankful now for being able to remember more of the good than the bad. I told you I missed the fun. I meant it. I can remember the bad too, but I'm choosing. It's all still there, the emotional scars you don't see. I don't need to reopen them.

I wish I could trust you again, but know I can't. I couldn't be open with you either. Too much happened. I've changed. I don't know that you have. I don't know who you are.

And I'm afraid. Afraid of ever letting you back in. An unwelcome visitor. So I won't.

Instead I'll tuck you away, with my memories of the rest. The what ifs. The almosts. The never agains.